hmm
I keep myself busy with the things i do. But everytime I pause, I still think of you.
There are four questions of value in life ..
What is sacred?
of what is the spirit made?
What is worth living for?
what is worth dying for?
The answer to all of these is the same.
Only love.
Nothing is what it seems
You look like you’re letting go
I know that you won’t call on me
You look like you’re letting go
I know what my instincts are telling me
And you’re fading out
It’s so hard without you
This wasn’t my fault
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me
Sometimes it feels like home
So safe in the shade
But when the summer fades
There’s always something missing
And now that I’m on my own
I know why you just
Just couldn’t stop
And why you had to leave
It’s so hard, without you
This wasn’t my fault
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me
I never imagined I would feel so lost
I never imagined it would be so hard
I never imagined I would feel so lost
I never imagined this would be so hard
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
This is all that I remember before you changed
You’re stuck in the dream with next to nothing
I’m all alone and nothings what it seems
Without you next to me
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Although things are getting better for me, im still having some troubles. My art work is in the senior art show this year. I’ve worked so hard on this and its finally paying off. I was asked to prom today, even though i already knew we were going together. it was still adorable. Went bowling for 3 hours and then went out to dinner. And then went to walmart and he bought me more cough drops. He’s so polite and sweet. I dont feel like I deserve it. I still miss Ryan and its really hard for me to see him now. I want to have all these cute, sweet moments with him. I miss waking up to his texts and falling asleep to his voice. I dont know why this is so difficult for me to do. It’s always been so easy for me to just move on and forget.. but not with Ryan. Everytime I see him, it feels like the scab on my heart is ripped off over and over again. He doesn’t understand how he makes me feel. He thinks I deserve better than him and he doesn’t understand how I really feel about him. Im absolutely crazy about him. I know hes going through a lot right now, but honestly if i could, I would take it all away from him and put it on me. I dont want to see him hurting anymore. I love him.
A lot has happened lately. Things are getting better. Been spending time with my Ryan :) Found out yesterday that he goes out to sea in June after I graduate :/ He’ll be gone for a couple months. I realize we just met but I really like this guy. He’s so sweet and he treats me the way every girl should be treated. We are going to the Humane Society to possibly get a dog. Im looking forward to that :)
I really dont remember the last time I was really this hurt. And so very pissed off. Im at the point where Im really about to just say fuck it and go drive my car off a bridge or something. I love my group of friends but Im just so done. Im made out to look like the bad person even though I have apologized to everyone for the way I have acted these past few days.
Yeah.
I’ve been feeling really down lately. The past few days have honestly made me feel ten times worse. I just dont want to bother anymore. I really wish I had succeeded in killing myself. Then i wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit . And yeah I get that that is really over dramatic but im done. Im tired of acting like everything is all fine and dandy. Im not happy. I havent been happy in a really long time. Patrick fucked with my head. Made me really believe someone gave a rats ass about me and then used me. And then dumps me because ” im too much to handle”. Im sorry that i have a fucked up head but i cant really help that. Im sorry that I wasn’t good enough for you. Im sorry that I was ” too into you” . I really did think you were someone I could count on. Im disgusted with you. And I feel pathetic because even after all of this, I still miss you.
